Is this lining up to be another run at the National Championship for the Sooners? Here’s our game by game breakdown. Of course it isn’t always about the Xs and Os.
Sept. 1 – at UTEP. The only benefit of this game is you’ll be humming a Marty Robbins song for three or four days. UTEP is the team coached by Mike Price, who last lost to OU 34-14 in the Rose Bowl on New Year’s Day in 2003, got the Alabama coaching job but liked strip clubs too much and was banished “out in the west Texas town of El Paso” before coaching a Tide game. Price has had six straight losing seasons at UTEP and 2012 is the last year of his contract. Adios, Mike. Chance of Sooner victory: 99%.
Sept. 8 – first home game vs. Florida A&M. This is the second year in a row OU has played a team from Tallahassee, Florida. While the team and fans will like their visit to Norman they will not be bringing their famous band, which has been suspended for a hazing death of a member. They must be a tough football team if their band gets that aggressive. But, not tough enough. Chance of Sooner victory: 99%.
Sept. 22 – Kansas State. The first real football game of the season. Bill Snyder is like Gandalf and manages to summon his gnomes to play the Sooners extremely tough every year. But this game is at home for the Sooners and the competition will be good enough to make both team and fans on edge. A great atmosphere for college football for this game. Chance of Sooner victory: 70%.
Oct. 6 – at Texas Tech. We vowed never to return to dusty Lubbock, but this might be a good trip. Surely Oklahoma has circled this game as a revenge match for an embarrasing loss in Norman last year. Expect Landry Jones to have his best game and his family and friends to make the drive over from Artesia, NM to catch his last college game on the high plains. Chance of Sooner victory: 80%.
Oct. 13 – Texas. Their quarterback (David Ash) sucks. Bevo sucks. Their effiminate band with the over-sized drum sucks. Everything about Texas sucks (with the possible exception of their pom team, which looks good in chaps). Of course we’re biased. But, then, again it is OU vs. Texas, so anything can happen on the field — and usually does. Chance of Sooner victory: 66%.
October 20 – Kansas. Charlie Weis continues the storied tradition of the Jayhawks having Jabba the Hut as a coach. This is the game to bring your children to because if they get antsy by halftime and you have to leave, you won’t miss anything. Chance of Sooner victory: 99%.
October 27 – Notre Dame. Is it a revenge game if the game you’re revenging is one that your players’ grandparents weren’t alive to see? Nah, didn’t think so. Still, Sooner fans hate the Irish. Notre Dame ended the 47-game win streak in 1957. The event was so traumatic that Skip Bayless, a mere child from Oklahoma City who came to Norman to see his first game, was wrecked for life and now we have to put up with him on ESPN. So, Oklahoma, don’t lose to Notre Dame or we’ll have a bunch more Skip Baylesses. Chance of Sooner victory: 75%.
November 3 – at Iowa State. Trap game. Just ask those Poor Aggies from Stillwater who went to Ames last year and got whooped. As Elmer Fudd would say, “Be wary, wary careful….” Chance of Sooner victory: 65%.
November 10 – Baylor. The Bears are a solid well-coached team. Probably the best the Sooners will have faced talent-wise since Texas. But they don’t have RG3 anymore (thank God). By this point in the season one would expect Mike Stoops will have whipped his secondary into shape, or will have committed murder of some players and be incarcerated. Chance of Sooner victory: 75%.
November 17 – at West Virginia. Remember Pat White? He doesn’t play there any more. But, this is an equally talented team as that 2007 team that shellacked Oklahoma 48-28 in the Fiesta Bowl. The QB Geno Smith to WR Tavon Austin is the best pass combo in the league. This is the game OU coaches have especially marked on their calendars. Fortunately, it comes late in the season when, barring injuries, the Sooners will be at the top of their game. Or not. Another big question mark is whether Mountaineers fans will physically assault traveling Oklahoma fans while burning couches in some sort of mountain man ritual that appears peculiar to college football fan bases in Appalachia or the southeast. Chance of Sooner victory: 50%.
November 24 – Oklahoma State. Back in Norman this year. That old man QB has left the Cowboys for a back-up role in the NFL. This is a rebuilding year for OSU (with freshman QB Wes Lunt at the helm), so the Sooners should handle this one just fine. Chance of Sooner victory: 75%.
December 1 – at TCU. The Horned Frogs have those fans who stand on soap boxes outside the stadium and preach that the Sooner Schooner is the sign of the devil and all Oklahoma fans will be damned. Whatever. By this time of the year TCU will be tired and ready to end their inaugural Big 12 year. Expect the Sooners to close out TCU’s season in good form. Chance of Sooner victory: 85%.
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