“Can you believe she wore that, bless her heart?”
Hello, Crimson and Cream Fashion Lovers! I am so glad to be back into the haute couture mix where I judge you silently from afar.
Forgive my recent absence. I had to take a sudden break due to an egregious faux pas committed by a dear friend. I had to bail her from fashion jail, swearing I will never let her wear burnt orange again.
And if you silently pronounced that last phrase, “fox pause”, you need to contact your closest well dressed friend as well or you may find yourself in the stony lonesome, wearing bright orange which looks good on no one.
Today is the day, friends! Today we will discuss the ever popular, but ever differing, Tail Gating Party. When I say differing, I mean several things but today I will be discussing size and offerings provided by each.
As I have seen, these parties can actually be held with a few close friends or among strangers of all ages (though most are all over 21 for obvious reasons). There can be five in attendance or 500.
There can be an actual tailgate involved. Say that of a rusty, rundown FORD pickup (think OSU or Texas). They can be set up by your friend’s upper end RV with a huge tv, tent and coolers full of refreshment.
These are usually attended by CEO types that are only there for business connections and telling off-color jokes while slowly getting schnockered. Then there are those galas somewhere in the middle. These are the ones that seem to attract the true fans. Just as each differs in attendees and size, so does the dress code.
For those of you attending the parties on the actual tail gate, I’ve only one piece of real advice for you.
Please keep your shirts on, ladies and gentlemen. No one wants to see your size D’s surrounded by scraggly bits of hair and chips that have fallen from your mouth as you try to stuff all of the nachos into your facial orifice at the same time. I do mean both male and female.
Just because you can go without a top does not mean you should. This works on so many levels. And on a good note, if you do keep your shirt on, it will inhibit road rash when you are thrown to the ground as you are arrested for public drunkenness or outstanding warrants.
The upper echelon affairs mentioned will undoubtedly be attended by those wearing sports polos and khakis.
Women will be wearing jewelry that does not really match the shirt and jeans they wear, but they do not care as not draping these sparkling gems about their neck and fingers may have them on the social media grapevine on FB the next day.
All comments will begin with, “Can you believe she wore that, bless her heart?” Though they are there attending a football game, the real competition being held has nothing to do with 22 men on a gridiron. The true result of said game will be darker and more insidious. Casualties are eminent.
Those in between these two extremes are more open to fashion possibilities.
Just please remember my previous advice given to those wearing minis and boots and body paint. Good taste has to prevail in all matters besides the snacks and beer.
Keep your shirts on, keep the jewelry usage tasteful and you should be just fine.
This is your Sooner fashionista saying so long till Next Time and… Boomer Sooner!
— Melissa D.
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