Episode 9
Orions, Geigers and Bears, Oh My!
Somewhere, in the deep vastness of outer space, something hurtles through the cosmos, past the Orion Nebula, through the Andromeda galaxy, heading inexorably in the direction of the Milky Way, in which nestles our own solar system, planet Earth and, inevitably, ‘Merica.
Across the endless void, it makes its way to the Sooner Nation itself, home of all that’s right and good in the universe!
Soonerguy, unaware of all this, sits at home in his secret underground headquarters on the campus of the University of Oklahoma, lounging in his La-z-Sooner chair, watching old Orange Bowl games on VHS, and eating vast quantities of Cheese Doodles.
He can just hear the faint chants of the annual Co-ed Cheer Clinic practicing outside his window.
“Golden boy, Chris Simms,” he laughs to himself, petting his noble and courageous canine companion known as Sooner Dog at his side. He slips the white miniature poodle another Cheese Doodle. Our hero and his faithful friend are completely oblivious to the cosmic being that approaches with unknown purpose.
At that very moment, it burns through the planet’s atmosphere like a fiery meteor. With a thunderous clamor, the Earth quakes (much as the college football world did when Chris Simms was dethroned by Josh Heupel in that famed 2000 Orange Bowl) and the finely manicured university grounds shudder as the alien creature strikes the South Oval in a vast explosion of dirt, chrysanthemums, and cheerleaders (Britney performs a perfect herkey jump as she flies through the air)!
The Crimson Crusader rushes out to investigate, sensing something foreboding has landed at his very doorstep. He and Sooner Dog stand at alert as a mysterious figure in the shape of a small bear beaming in a radioactive green glow emerges from the smoking crater. Britney screams at the sight of it and rushes from the scene, with a masterfully maneuvered round-off-back handspring- back tuck.
In a thin nasally voice the intergalactic traveler speaks: “My journey has ended. This planet shall sustain me until it has been drained of all Cheese Doodles. None may thwart my will! So speaks… Bay-lor!”
Sooner Dog utters a valiant yip and courageously plunges back into the Sooner Secret lair, locking the door behind him. But, Soonerguy eyes the alien invader suspiciously.
“I was expecting someone… taller,” he thinks to himself.
Will the mysterious cosmic entity known as Bay-Lor come to annihilate all that Soonerguy stands for?
Is it a being of immense cosmic power or just a cute little alien teddy bear with a penchant for Cheese Doodles?
Will Sooner Dog eat all the cheesy treats before the confrontation is over? All will be revealed in the next installment of the Adventures of Soonerguy entitled: See You Crater or Orions, Geigers and Bears, Oh My!
In case you missed them, previous episodes:
Episode 1: The Case of the Abandoned Cheese Mine
Episode 2: The Golden Streaker Flashes Normantown
Episode 3: Corn Maze Trouble Makes Return
Episode 4: What’s Up? Cats-up!
Episode 5: Toad Twitch and Twerk
Episode 6: Corn Dogs and Kaopectate — it’s Fair Time!
Episode 7: A Jaybird in hand is worth?
Episode 8: A Wind in Need is Not a Friend Indeed
Follow
