Episode 3:
Corn Maze Trouble Makes Return
Last time on the Adventures of Soonerguy – Soonergal… er… guy was lipstick deep in trying to locate the Golden Streak. He walks daintily through the Victoria’s Secret Bra sale in Sooner Fashion Mall when the Soonerphone rings resoundingly from his utility belt.
Hurriedly, he answers, cutting off the Pride of Oklahoma’s ringtone rendition of Boomer Sooner through his mobile device!
“Soonerguy. How can I assist you and/or fight for truth, justice and the Sooner way?”
“Soonerguy!”, the voice is unmistakably that of Farmer Vincent, the kindly, old gentleman that runs the corn maze, pumpkin patch, and agricultural tourist attraction Corn to be Wild.
“You gotta come quick,” he cries “We got a heap o’ trouble in the corn maze!”
“What is it?!,” our Crimson Crusader cries as he kicks off his Louis Vuitton 4-inch heels.
“It’s a maze cleared in a cornfield for the enjoyment of others, but that ain’t important now! Please, come quick!”
“I’m on my way!”
Soonerguy flings the phone from him as he dashes toward the farm. A few seconds later, he returns, apologizes to the little old lady whom he has bludgeoned with his flying phone, and hurries on his way.
Soonerguy arrives just in the nick of time. At Farmer Vincent’s Farm, madness ensues. Sooner citizens and Sooner children alike run hither and yon, screaming at the top of their lungs.
Dogs bark wildly at the corn maze, teeth bared, eyes flashing. Cats sit and watch it all, unbothered.
Then suddenly, a hideous, terrifying roar rises frighteningly from the corn maze.
“Great Goalposts! It can’t be,” Soonerguy gasps. “I thought he had popped out long ago. I was sure he was gone for good.”
But much to Soonerguy’s disbelief, out from the rows of dried stalks steps a creature of monstrous proportions, and oddly appetizing aroma! King Korn, Soonerguy’s age-old nemesis appears, tromping through the corn, willy nilly, no less!
“He’s tromping through the corn, willy nilly,” Soonerguy surmises, completely on his own and without the help of any previously uttered narration.
“He’s trampling everything in his path. It’s like he’s lost his, way… without guidance. He’s running amok… like he’s lost leadership that he had hoped would change his fortunes for the better, but was then summarily dismissed and sent on his way, leaving the creature completely clueless!”
A panic-stricken Sooner citizen runs up to Soonerguy, clutching desperately at our hero.
“What are we to do, Soonerguy?” she cries.
Yes, indeed! What are we to do?! How will Soonerguy stop this rampaging behemoth throw-back to Big Eight days?
Find out next week on:
CORN-ERING THE MARKET ON CRIME or HE’S ALL EARS!
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