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Adventures of Soonerguy - page 3

The Adventures of Soonerguy

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The early morning air hangs heavy over the Blue Ridge Mountains of West Virginia.  Crickets still sing dimly in the dark over the quiet murmur of Lake Puskarhootchie.  Birds chirp.  Frogs croak.  But suddenly another sound breaks the calm atmosphere.

“Whoop! Whoop!” 

This is no whooping crane, nor is it a West Virginia Highway Patrol Car pulling over a rowdy tailgater dragging his muffler from the back of his 1979 Chevy 4×4 pickup.

It’s much more like the call of the fabled Bigfoot or “Sasquatch” resonating resoundingly over the landscape.  

“Whoop! Whoop!” it repeats.  The birds, the frogs, and the crickets go silent.  Then we hear the tremulous reply,

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The Adventures of Soonerguy

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Somewhere, in the deep vastness of outer space, something hurtles through the cosmos, past the Orion Nebula, through the Andromeda galaxy, heading inexorably in the direction of the Milky Way, in which nestles our own solar system, planet Earth and, inevitably, ‘Merica.  

Across the endless void, it makes its way to the Sooner Nation itself, home of all that’s right and good in the universe! 

Soonerguy, unaware of all this, sits at home in his secret underground headquarters on the campus of the University of Oklahoma, lounging in his La-z-Sooner chair, watching old Orange Bowl games on VHS, and eating vast quantities of Cheese Doodles.  

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The Adventures of Soonerguy

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Previously on the Adventures of Soonerguy: 

“Muahahaha!”

“Eeeeeek!”

“Ow! My eye!”

Our Adventurous Avenger (not to be confused with those other guys) was completely overcome with cats, corn and contemptuous contestants of the toady type.  He was covered in fur, grits and warts!  He was facing a veritable rogues gallery of foes: The Wildcat, King Corn, and The Toad! 

Luckily, Soonerguy is well-skilled in Sooner-jitsu, an ancient martial art known only by Soonerguy himself and the inner circle of the secret cabal of devotees within the notorious Sooner Skull and Bones.  With a double tuck jump and a flying scissor kick to a whiskered face one of his foes flies backward!

“Jump back, Toad,” Soonerguy commands, as the rotten ribbiter springs forward to land at Soonerguy’s feet.  But the beady-eyed baddie is no longer looking at him. He’s glaring over our hero’s shoulder. Soonerguy turns to face the new nemesis behind him.

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