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Adventures of Soonerguy - page 5

The Adventures of Soonerguy

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The early morning air hangs heavy over the Blue Ridge Mountains of West Virginia.  Crickets still sing dimly in the dark over the quiet murmur of Lake Puskarhootchie.  Birds chirp.  Frogs croak.  But suddenly another sound breaks the calm atmosphere.

“Whoop! Whoop!” 

This is no whooping crane, nor is it a West Virginia Highway Patrol Car pulling over a rowdy tailgater dragging his muffler from the back of his 1979 Chevy 4×4 pickup.

It’s much more like the call of the fabled Bigfoot or “Sasquatch” resonating resoundingly over the landscape.  

“Whoop! Whoop!” it repeats.  The birds, the frogs, and the crickets go silent.  Then we hear the tremulous reply,

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The Adventures of Soonerguy

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Somewhere, in the deep vastness of outer space, something hurtles through the cosmos, past the Orion Nebula, through the Andromeda galaxy, heading inexorably in the direction of the Milky Way, in which nestles our own solar system, planet Earth and, inevitably, ‘Merica.  

Across the endless void, it makes its way to the Sooner Nation itself, home of all that’s right and good in the universe! 

Soonerguy, unaware of all this, sits at home in his secret underground headquarters on the campus of the University of Oklahoma, lounging in his La-z-Sooner chair, watching old Orange Bowl games on VHS, and eating vast quantities of Cheese Doodles.  

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The Adventures of Soonerguy

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Episode 8
Halloween Treat: A Wind in Need is Not a Friend Indeed

Last we saw Soonerguy, our intrepid hero was, was… give me a sec.  I really can’t remember, hang on while I look it up…  (I hate bye weeks).  Oh, yeah… 

Last we saw Soonerguy, our intrepid hero was facing a naked bird.  Fearsome fowl, indeed!

The Crimson Crusader had finally given up on the Jaybird’s return and retreated to the Sooner Cave, deep within Sooner Country, to contemplate his next step, his wardrobe choices, life, the universe and everything. Standing at his Sooner Chemistry Set (only $99.99 at the Campus Corner Store across the street), he mixes two volatile liquids together.  The red liquid quickly changes colors.  First purple.  Then green.  Then Orange!

After detailed calculations, he intensely studies the test tube in his hand, his goggles fogging, he frowns doubtfully at the observed result.

“43!? That doesn’t seem right,” he mumbles, wiping the red slime that has formed on his right hand on his white lab coat.

Thump! Thump!

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